Foster Parent Blog: Our Final Foster Child -

Baby K left our home on February 6th at 6:30pm. While I’m a heart broken mess (as are mom and Jared), I am also beyond thankful for this outcome and for our community.

Here's What Happened

10:30am – I received a call from the courthouse while I was at K’s dentist appt. His biological family was at court. After a confused back and forth, I was made aware that the judge dismissed the case, and K was returning to his biological family… NOW. After more back and forth, I was instructed to get K and all of his things to DSS by 6:30pm to say goodbye.

Finish appt.

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12pm – Get to daycare to gather things and say goodbye.

Rush home to pack. Simultaneously keep baby on his schedule (lunch, nap, change…), and check in with bio mom. Bio mom and I had a really nice talk, including a feeling of shock that we were both experiencing. We talked through all of the things that we were packing and the items that she didn’t have in her home. We sent them as much food as we had on hand (over a week’s worth, plus snacks) and a car seat. This was in addition to the 3 car loads worth of items that baby had accumulated over the past year. As far as we were concerned, those clothes and toys were all his.

Check in with social worker we hadn’t met yet. This part was honestly just poor timing and not at all the licensing social worker’s fault. There’s an enormous rotating door of social workers at DSS and our licensing social worker at the time was brand new to the department. We hadn’t had an official check in prior to this transition. Hence, the check in call was also an introduction call. I texted our former licensing social worker as well. I wanted someone experienced there to… be in our corner.

Enjoy moments together.

Have neighbor take pictures.

Finish organizing totes.

5pm – Dinner at chick-fil-a.

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6pm – Make our way to the HOPE Resource Center.

7:30pm – Logistics/ Pack cars/ official goodbye.

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Emotional Check In

We were all (“all” meaning K’s foster and bio family) in shock and only given ~6 hours to do this. To add to this, due to DSS’s unfair treatment of their own employees, our social worker situation was not… ideal. (To the super star SWs, and you know who you are, thank you.)

After being told I need to “think of the best interest of the child,” I explained that the 6 hour transition completely went against the healthy transition that bio mom and I had already arranged. And that the judge was not thinking of the best interest of the child, prompting me to call my family and give them the news.

Being a foster parent is complicated. Our role is to raise and care for a child until he or she is safely returned to his or her biological family. Our second role is to shared parent with the bio family, and to ensure that baby’s family has everything that they need to cope and reunite. We have to treat them like they’re your own AND be ready to hand them over at any time.

We love these children with all of our hearts, and therefore, they become a part of our family. This makes the transition process a very emotional day (good and bad).

With that said, we are thankful that K’s bio family has ALSO become a part of our family, and I’m (we’re) so honored to have been a piece in his journey. We witnessed every joy and every milestone from age 3-16 months. AND the empathy and appreciation that the bio family showed us on Thursday was unmatched.

To everyone who stopped their lives on Thursday to help us or to hold my hand, I have no words to express my gratitude. It took a village.

We’re all still processing this (grieving + celebrating), but I’ll post more in the coming days. K’s happiness means the world to us, and all of the shared parenting meant K left the center blowing kisses, not in tears.

I think I speak for all of us when I say, the foster care system is broken. But y’all, we beat it, and we ALL got K out.

Epilogue

It’s a delicate balance, post-reunification.

We want to give the biological family the time and space that they need to bond with baby full time. We also want to give baby the space to acclimate to a new normal, including a house he hasn’t seen in over a year. Respecting this distance and their boundaries feels essential for long term success.

At the same time, we’ve cared for this baby every day for the past 13 months. In that way, we are grieving the loss of a child in our home. And we’re celebrating a successful reunification.

There is no rule stating that the biological family must keep in touch with us post-reunification, but we’re sooo thankful that K’s bio mom does just that.

The relationship that we’ve built over the past year was one of trust and transparency. With that said, mama sends pictures and videos here and there. She even came to visit… twice! Both times to pick up some remaining items (& to check in).

We want the bio family to know that we’ll always be here for them in whatever capacity. We’re a stable support system, a babysitter, a backup plan, a listening ear… etc. But we don’t want to overwhelm them with expectations.

We’re thankful mama’s willingness to keep us in the loop, and we’re thankful that K is safe!

Now What?

Jared and I are officially “former/ retired” foster parents. We’re so thankful for the 11 children that entered our home but never left our hearts. Now our family will focus on our long term goal: adoption! An only child that we can love on forever.

If you or someone you know is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and would like to create an adoption plan (open or closed), get in touch. We are funded and home study approved.